So many people find themselves afraid of conflict. Having never learned healthy and safe ways to deal with conflict, we do whatever we can to keep ourselves safe…just like in childhood. This fear gets triggered mostly in intimate relationships, although the world in general can trigger fear in us.
“If I say this, then he/she will say or do this.” Anxiety becomes a part of all difficult conversations…for one or both partners. It’s automatic and reactive. NO CHOICE! We only have a choice if we learn a new way to keep each other and ourselves safe.
Remember that children, early on, learn how to walk on eggshells…afraid to tell parents what is going on or what they’re feeling, and they start to lie, withhold, rebel, or become compliant….just like we did in our childhood, and continue to do. Imagine your children learning that they can share with you, because they know they will be heard and understood. Imagine how that would’ve felt for you.
Every couple that comes for therapy has basically the same defenses…used for protection and survival. We fight, flight, hide, or submit! All of these create distance, loneliness, and pain.
Wouldn’t it be a gift to learn another way? Wouldn’t it be a gift to create a conscious connection, where you can choose to keep each other safe, and feel heard and validated? I see the tension and anxiety begin to fade, as couples learn to consciously dialogue.
The purpose of relationships is to grow and heal. A byproduct of knowing how to do this is happiness and connection. Give yourself, your relationship and your family this gift. You’ve got nothing to lose, and EVERYTHING to gain.
I look forward to being your teacher as you learn and grow together.